Wow, this has been far harder than I even imagined. The days leading up to today were painful, but this morning is absolutely heartbreaking. Today is the first day of school for most Canadian children. I spent part of the weekend hemming uniform pants for Samantha, ensuring she got her hair cut and packing her back-to-school lunch. But today is when the devastating void is so obvious. Today I am not sending Aziza off for her first day. Her school bus will not be pulling up to our front door and there is no aide waiting for her at the front door of the school. For three years I nervously and proudly sent Aziza off for the first days of school. I would follow the bus and ensure that her day started smoothly. Today, however, her school will start the year without her. And that's just not right. It is so hard to remember that although my life has all but come to a standstill, the lives of others continue forward. None of this is right. This week will be a hard one as yet another important date passes without Aziza. Sometimes is it hard to believe that I will survive all of this.
This was Aziza at the start of Grade 1 last year (Sept 2012). Her t-shirt said "Tantrums Are So Last Year":