Early Start, Late Finish and a New Tradition

I think the tradition in Canada is to put your Christmas tree up the second week of December.  If you are American it might go up after Thanksgiving.  Either way, it is almost aways taken down anytime between Boxing Day and New Years.  Unless.

Unless you have a child who has a history of a tumor, and has shown elevated tumor markers in her last bloodwork.  Unless you have a child who dies with no warning before Christmas has a chance to come.

We put our tree up in early November after receiving the startling news that Aziza's AFP level was elevated.  An indicaton that she may be having a recurrance of her tumor.  In order to stop myself from going crazy with worry, and in order to be organized in the event of a hospitalization - we broke all tradition.  We didn't care that the neighbors were likely shunning the Christmas tree that illuminated our living room window at the beginning of November.  The kids loved it.

Early November 2012.

 

Once we were given the news that Aziza's tumor marker was no longer showing an elevation, and that it had likely simply been a lab blip, we had exactly one week of pure Christmas joy.  It started around November 27th and lasted until December 4th.  I dropped my Mommy Guard and enjoyed knowing that my child was not going to have to have further tumor treatment.  Life was good.  Our tree shone bright.

Aziza's first ornament given Dec, 2010.

 

And then December 4th and 5th came.  And we lost our precious Aziza so unexpectedly.  Our tree still stood tall, but it no longer shone.  We left our home and did not return for a month.  Now that we have been home for two weeks, the tree has been a constant reminder of happier times.  Standing in the corner with it's special decorations placed with such care in early November.  No one dared to make our tree shine again.  It's lights stayed off.

Aziza's second ornament, given Dec 2011.

 

Today, January 20th, I have committed to taking the tree down.  It will go up again next year, it's special decorations will again be placed with care and likely with many tears.  Both girls will continue to receive their special ornaments each year - but for Aziza's it will be with a broken and aching heart that they are selected and they will be placed on the tree by hands that are not her own.

Aziza's third ornament, given Nov 2012.

 

And so here, in a small home in Canada, a new tradition may have been born.  The tradition of the two month Christmas tree.  Driving past our home at the beginning of next November, the neighbors can be prepared to see a tree shining brightly in memory of a tiny little Warrior Princess.  We miss her so much.